Sacred Self-Care With Fila Antwine

Self-care – the name itself gives away its importance. Sometimes in our busy mom lives we forget that there’s one extra person to take care of in our households: ourselves. Today we’re talking with Fila Antwine from Sacred Queens Co. about sacred self-care, and what we really need to be doing in our self-care routines.

In this episode we’re not only talking about self-care, we’re talking about sacred self-care and what that means for us and our lives. Self-care isn’t always about running that bubble bath or having that spa day (though we think it should be that too). Sometimes it means you’re getting up 20 minutes earlier to sit outside before the kiddos wake up, or taking that extra trip to the grocery store for some healthy veggies to add to your meal. Self-care is about taking care of ourselves, even if that can be hard sometimes.

With Fila, we chatted about some of the main components of a sacred self-care routine, learned how to get our intuition back and trust our gut, and even got some insight into Fila’s own sacred self-care practices! This episode is everything you need if you’ve been feeling in a funk with yourself recently – our whole UM Club team has started to incorporate Fila’s practices. We can’t wait for you to give this episode a listen, so join the UM Club today!

Um Club Exclusives

Don’t forget to check out the exclusive UM Club Self-Care Workshop!

Guest Expert

Fila Antwine is a master self-care teacher, specializing in empowering women through self-care practices. She teaches you to reconnect with yourself so you can have deep love, joy, freedom, and fulfillment on a sacred level. Fila has been hired by national organizations, colleges, and universities to share her coaching principles with their members, students, and staff. She has been featured in major media outlets, honoured by members of Congress, and seen on Emmy Award-Winning T.V. as a guest expert.

In This Episode We Talk About

00:58 – Who is Fila?
07:34 – What is sacred self-care?
12:46 – What are some things we should be incorporating in our self-care routines?
17:11 – Leaning into your intuition through self-care.
24:07 – Getting your intuition back.
32:05 – Journaling.
38:30 – Fila’s self-care basics.
43:49 – Where to find Fila!

Watch the Video

Listen to the Audio

Resource Links

Join the UM Club!
UM Club Facebook page
Fila Antwine: Emotional Wellness Coach
Contact Fila
28-day Sacred Self-Care Calendar
Fila’s Instagram: @SheIsFila

Read the Full Conversation

Hello, and welcome to another episode inside the Unapologetic Moms Club. Today I am so excited to be welcoming at Fila Antwine from Sacred Queens Co. to talk all about sacred self-care. Welcome Fila.

Hey Jannine, I’m super excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me.

Yeah, I immediately really gravitated towards the message that you have throughout your website and social and just the sacredness of us as women and to be able to really take care of ourselves and add to ourselves in that way. And also call ourselves out on some of our shit too, which I like to see, so I’m excited to see where this conversation goes.

As am I, I’m excited, I could talk about this all day long. And there’s so many ways we can go. So I’m looking forward to the conversation as well.

Me too. All right, let’s hop into it. I’d love to hear a little bit about who you are, what you do, and why you’re so passionate about it.

Sure. So I am a queen from Queens. I’m a New York City, Queens girl. And that’s a big deal to us. So there is something, I believe, embedded in you when you are born and raised in a place like New York that’s gritty, but also beautiful in so many ways. So you develop all of these layers and all of these facets to you, which kind of impact who you become in the world, right? Like New York City is one of, if not the most, diverse place in the world. And Queens is actually the most diverse borough in the entire world.

So I grew up around people. And I’ve always been fascinated by people, women in particular. My mom is one of 11. So I was raised by just a tribe of beautiful, strong women. And I always admired the way that they were able to continually pick up and keep going no matter what was going on in their lives. And as I went through my own challenges and struggles in life, I realized that that same power that I had always admired in them, was in me. And as I sort of got to a level of recognizing that, owning that, reclaiming that, and living from that personal place of power, I wanted to also teach other women how to do that as well.

So ultimately, I like to say that I am just a woman who loves women. And I do everything that I can to help position other women to feel that kind of deep love for themselves as well. Is that cliche?

No – even if it is who cares?

It’s real. Right?

Exactly. And it feels great. And we just got to own it, right?

Yes, absolutely.

And I love that you really grew up and kind of that village and having the aunties and those great women role models in your life and hearing about how that impacted you and kind of the shifts you made throughout your challenges and wanting to take on that role yourself.

Growing up was, you know, it was no crystal stair. And we’ll get into those things as well. Right. I’ve had some really tumultuous situations in my life. I’m a sexual abuse survivor. There was some dysfunction in the home. But I always felt centered and grounded in womanhood. It was the most amazing upbringing in that I had my mom. I had my maternal grandmother, who I’m named after, I had my paternal grandmother and my aunts on both sides. And they always showed me so much love and care.

Even now as an adult woman. Whenever I’m babysitting nieces, nephews, I remember how I felt when I spent the night at my Auntie’s houses and how they fed me and how they loved me. And it helps me to be able to be a better mom and a better auntie and a better, you know, sister, friend, in so many ways, especially when like the kids are over. And so that upbringing and being around women, being around mothers and being mothered by so many women, has really positioned me to be grounded and so centered in who I am.

I got all tingly listening to you say that. Yeah, it really speaks to the power of sisterhood and womanhood and leaning into the nurturing and reflective nature. And it’s interesting kind of comparing it to myself, a completely different experience. I didn’t have all that many women in my life, there was my mom, who was a very hard working single mother. Worked so hard, putting herself through school and work well raising us. And a couple of my grandmother’s. And they had such a big impact on me and really teaching me that hard work and grit side of things and kind of being that anchor within the family. And so it’s so cool to hear about how that can kind of go about on a larger scale.

Yeah, yeah. And it really just speaks to, I think, the importance of doing what you’re supposed to do, right, like just in your life, because it impacts everyone that you come into contact with. And, again, you know, the women that raised me, they were hard working. My grandmother migrated from the Deep South, she picked cotton as a girl, to New York to create a new life for her family. And so it was tough. And she was a mom of 11. And she put herself through school, and she became a nurse, and she worked in a maternity ward in the hospital, bringing other children into the world.

So there was some days and some nights where we didn’t see her. But we would wake up and there would be a meal in the kitchen that she must have made at like, three in the morning before she went into work. And so I just learned very early that women are magical, and that women have so much power and can give so much in their care for others. But one of the things that I didn’t always see was those women taking that same care of themselves.

Absolutely. I was just thinking that as well. I had the great role models for working hard and kind of pushing through, holding down the fort, all of those things, but no role models for self-care, and taking care of yourself. And that’s why I think it’s so important to me now, is to be that role model for both of my kids, both boys and girls. So they see what a mom, woman, matriarch, looks like in taking care of herself, and the impact that has on the rest of the family as well.

Absolutely, and allowing pleasure into your life, right? You need to feel good. And you can invoke that in simple ways, just on a daily basis, you know, and I saw the women in my family work really hard and struggle in a lot of areas. And I recognize now how important it is to just take breaks, and to do things that are just for you. To tell the kids to beat it every now and then and eat that doughnut in the kitchen that they don’t see or have that sip of wine or go out and put your feet in the grass. The little things that just bring that deep pleasure back into your world.

Yes, absolutely. So you’re all about sacred self-care. And that just sounds so much more empowered than the usual self-care that we hear about all the time. So I’d love to hear what sacred self-care means to you.

Sure, so my mantra and the mantra of Sacred Queen Co, is my life gets to be a sacred ritual of love. Because we work with women in an emotional capacity, we focus on self-care on a daily basis, and relationships and relationship accountability. And so it is about always going beneath the surface, to realize and recognize what you’re feeling, and what you may need on an emotional or spiritual level that you’re not getting on an everyday basis.

So when it comes to sacred self-care, it’s about doing the work of really elevating the way that you show up in your own life, the way that you show up for yourself, the way that you show up in the world and the way that the world gets to respond to you. So it doesn’t always feel good. It’s not the mani’s and peti’s that we think of, and the massages, right? And the Mimosa’s. Those things are great. But really, if we’re being honest about it, those things are also oftentimes self indulgent.

And there’s nothing wrong with that. Right? It’s okay for you to indulge your senses. But when we’re talking about sacred self-care, it’s about taking care of yourself on a sacred level, on the spiritual, the mental, the emotional, what is it that you actually need? Sometimes that might be coming and working with a coach like me to dissect why you continually have relationship problems and failed relationships. Other times that may be recognizing that you’re a people pleaser, and you get to create some really strong, firm boundaries to initiate and to enforce when that needs to happen. Other times it may mean rest, right? But it’s giving yourself the things that you need on a deeper level, on a sacred level, in a spiritual way that works for you, your life and your lifestyle.

Yes! I love it. It’s like so much of the self-care stuff out there is like put the bandaid on, like rest a tiny bit. But what you preach, and what I tried to do as well, is it’s really about the holistic approach, about going deeper. How does it take you to be that next level, to be that other higher person for all the people around you, and it just keeps pouring and cascading.

And one of the things recently for me that is like that uncomfortable, not the best part of it, is really being on top of my finances, and stepping into who I need to be to be the wealthy woman that I’m working towards being. And that means being on top of checking my bank account, knowing what’s coming in and out, and when, and that’s been difficult for me as someone who for a good period of time would just stick my head in the sand. But we got to push ourselves to do that. And it creates such a rippling effect impact not just say in this instance, the finances and the impact it might have on my specific bank account, but the feelings that goes around into like spending money and being on top of things and debt even.

Yes, absolutely. I agree. And I can relate being a woman who runs a business and has children and a husband and a family. Keeping everything together can sometimes be alot. But it is so important for you to be aware of everything happening in your life. And finance has been an issue for me probably my entire life because I came from an environment where money was plentiful.

But I also grew up in New York City in the 80s and 90s, during the crack epidemic within our communities. And so my biological father was a hustler. I don’t know what you guys say in Canada, but he sold drugs for a living. This was his lifestyle from when I was a child growing up. And so there was lots of money all the time. But there also was this overarching awareness that it wasn’t a good way to make money.

And so coming up, I had to recognize that I had some internal stories about what it meant to make a lot of money, was it not a good thing? Right, was I hurting people by making a lot of money? That was connected to my trauma and some of the dysfunction. So this is how sacred self-care becomes a part of your life in ways that sometimes you don’t recognize, like you said, making sure that you’re being responsible with what you have to, but also checking in about the feelings that are underneath those activities, and the lack of or the behaviors that you are doing on a daily basis.

Yes, that deeper digging. I know, my kind of mindset thing is you have to work super hard for the money. And now kind of letting go, it doesn’t have to be so hard or such a grind. I’m curious, do you have – well, I’m assuming you absolutely do – a framework for sacred self-care? So you touched on kind of like emotional wellness, pleasure, what are kind of those different facets that you think are really important to incorporate in your sacred self-care routines?

Sure, so of course, we have the Sacred Queen formula, which is a three step formula where we deal with healing, happiness, and wholeness. And in order to have the love, the peace, the passion that we all want, right, in every aspect of our life, we want to love what we’re doing and where we are and who’s in it. We want to be passionate about what we’re doing and who’s in it. And we want to feel peaceful about our lives, we want to have peace of mind.

But in order to do that, those are the three areas that you need to step into first, that personal healing, resolving and dissolving any emotional barriers, emotional blocks, past trauma, taking a look at just the trajectory of your life to see if there’s any negative emotional residue anywhere, looking at your habits and patterns. Personal happiness, are you doing things that feel good to you? Are you doing things that feel good for you just because it feels good? Are you savoring your own sensuality as a woman, right?

Because moms can be sexy, moms can be sensual. And we can do it just for ourselves. Doesn’t have to be for a husband, a spouse, a partner, whether you have one or are trying to get one, it can just be for you. And then that area of personal wholeness, which is where you recognize that everything you have in your life is great. But even if you had none of it, you still would be okay. You’d still be able to rebuild. You would still be a whole ass woman because that’s who you are innately, internally, and divinely.

And so within each of those areas of the framework, there are three steps as well. We can go into it if you want, I don’t want to be long winded. So within the healing aspect, this is where we really start to become accountable, right, self-aware, self-reflection. So it is where you get to accept accountability, you begin to dissolve the emotional blocks and barriers, and then you break on and breakthrough.

And that, of course, has to come after the break down. So we break down all of the stuff, all of the clutter, all of the things that no longer serve to position you in a place of personal breakthrough, where you now get to decide what life you’re going to live, how you’re going to feel, what experiences you’re going to have.

And then stepping into that second level of personal happiness. It is about savouring sensuality, feeling your own body, getting back in touch with your body, because I’ve recognized and realized that so many of my clients suffer from sadness, depression and anxiety, not on a level where they are diagnosed or need to be medicated, but where it is a constant part of their lives. And it really boils down to being disconnected from your own life, being disconnected from your own intuition.

And so once you get back into that, you’re able to pursue pleasure, do things that feel good without the guilt, without, you know, the sadness, or without any connection to any negative, emotional past. And then finally, in that place of wholeness, you really get to paint your picture, which is what does your ideal life look like? Who’s in it? What’s in it? Where do you live? All of those things. And then finally, you get to follow freedom. You can do whatever you want to do, you can have whatever you want to have, you can be whoever you want to be. And through that process, you’re able to do that confidently and in an empowered way.

I love how you laid it all out, it makes so much sense. You break it down like it really is that healing, uncomfortableness, digging up that shit and working through it, to get that breakthrough and lean into the happiness and the wholeness.

One thing that really stuck out, when we had mentioned kind of getting into your head, can be a big thing for my community. I love how you actually used other words, with leaning into your body and into your intuition. That’s a big struggle point for a lot of our community, moms, lots going on in those early childhood years. And I know when it comes down to thinking about pleasure, whether it’s with a partner or with themselves, they just get too caught up in their thoughts, and they’re not leaning into their body and their intuition. I’d love it if you could expand on that a little bit more and kind of ways they can approach that.

Sure. So you know, with motherhood, motherhood is just such a special experience in so many ways. And it takes time to get back into your body after having a child, after having a human being living in your body taking up space, sort of making it its own. And once you deliver that child, you have to relearn your body, you have to form a new relationship with your body because it’s not the same body, you’re not the same woman. So it takes time to really realize who you are now, after motherhood, and then to reconnect to your body.

I believe that some of the most powerful ways for you to just get back into your body is simply through movement. That can be through intense exercise. It can be through meditative exercises like yoga, it can be through dance, it can even be through sex and intimacy with a partner that you trust. And so it’s important for you to allow yourself to feel your body in any of those ways of movement that resonate with you, that feel good to you. And to do it often, right, as often as you can.

And that is the reason to do movement. We hear so much about like movement to exercise and be healthy. And it’s like, yeah, we should do that. But the way you just laid it out there, like to really be in tune with our body and what we can do. I just love that perspective on it. And personally, I find that a lot more motivating. I’ll do it on a regular basis when I’m thinking about it that way.

Yeah, yeah. And you know, it’s such a symbiotic relationship between you and your body when you’re moving it, right, because you want it to go a certain way. And so you have to kind of coax it and seduce it, in order for it to do what it is that you want it to do. And so you begin to trust your body, your body begins to trust you. And then you find pleasure in that space.

And it really is also about overcoming yourself in that process. Because you might feel silly, you might not want to do it, you might kind of be tired, you might hate to work out or hate to move. And as you move through that space, lovingly, of course, you break down those emotional barriers, you quiet that internal voice that’s always chattering. That’s based on the conditioning of the things that your mom, dad, sister, brother, Auntie, uncle told you about who you are. And you get through all of that simply by being in your body. So it really has multiple levels of benefit for you. And that’s why it’s probably the first thing that I recommend to moms and to my clients, when they’re challenged in some way with just feeling comfortable with themselves and not being able to move through that or move past.

I wish someone told me that when I was postpartum, because, yeah, going through pregnancy – my kids are 18 months apart. So nine months after having one I got pregnant again. And like that whole process, I just felt like my body was completely foreign to me. I was someone who was like into yoga and exercised regularly and was very in tune to my body. And then that whole period, it just it didn’t feel like it was mine, it was just going through the motions, doing what it needed to do. And that would have just been such a great way of going about it. And I guess I kind of did in my own way. But it’d be so helpful to just hear something like that.

Yeah, especially if you are a mom who breastfed also, because it’s like, you know, when the baby’s inside of you, your body’s not yours. And then when the baby’s outside, if you have this baby, pulling on your tit and pulling off buttons and all of that, you still feel like this is not my body anymore.

So yeah, just making time to move. And physical touch, to physically touch your own body in a sensual way that’s non sexual. Massaging your own breasts, touching your arms, your skin, your thighs, that really helps to ground you and put you back into like your root chakra. And it pulls you back into that place in space, which is centering and grounding because it’s like, oh, is this a titty? It’s my titty. Okay, right? This is me that I’m touching. And it helps you to kind of just reconnect with your body in a certain way. And just be loving and be sensual. And sometimes when you touch and you’re like, oh, wow, my skin is really soft, right? It softens the way that you think and the way that you feel about yourself as well.

And like it really puts you into your body and that grief, and not so much what it looks like or appears to other but it being a part of you and what it does. And I love that you touched on the touch, because that’s something I’ve kind of been doing over this last year with really prioritizing self-care and how to on a different level, is I date myself once a week. And so every Sunday night after the kids go to bed, it’s my time. And so I have a bath and like whatever happens that evening varies. But one of the things I’ve been incorporating is a hand massage, and a foot massage, and it just feels good. And it’s like why don’t we do these things for ourselves? We know they feel good. We might seek out our partner, hey, do you want to swap foot massages. But like, hey, this is something we can do for ourselves that feels really good. And it’s totally free, and it’s accessible to everyone.

Yes, I love that. I love that so much. And it actually impacts your health, right, foot massages help to create health and flow through your body.

Absoluetly. How about leaning into your intuition side of things?

Yeah. So often, when I have clients who come to work with me specifically for relationship stuff, which is probably like 90% of women. I’m having trouble getting a relationship, I need to get a relationship. You know, I want to be in one. Can you get me a man? Like that’s the surface level desire. When we get into the work of it, though, and they’re like, Well, I can’t trust people because this has happened to me and that’s happened to me.

What I often find is that there is an issue with self trust. You don’t trust yourself, right? Because you’ve made poor choices in the past and it’s led to certain outcomes that were undesirable. And so learning to trust yourself again, learning to listen to yourself again, and learning to redevelop your intuitive muscle is so powerful for women in life. Because it is a natural byproduct, I believe, of femininity and womanhood. And it’s something that is just so sacred and so spiritual and so divine.

And really, you always know what you need. It’s simply a matter of being patient, and being quiet enough to hear it and allow it to come up. But we want instant gratification. And we’re moving based on the decisions that we think other people want us to make. And so really starting to listen to yourself again, ask yourself how you feel, what you want, letting your body be the compass as well, because oftentimes, your body will shake up a little bit, you know, and we’ll ignore it, but starting to listen to those things. And as you just simply begin to honour your own emotions, and your feelings and your own body, your intuition will begin to get heightened, and louder and more bold. And it will give you everything that you need to make the right decisions.

Absolutely. Yeah. I love so much of that.

But it takes time, right? So patience is patience is necessary.

Yeah, it’s a process, we need to take our time and just trust the process and that it will come. Yeah, and like you said, it’s a part of our sacred femininity, like we are a creative life source, whether or not we choose to actually have kids, we have that creative power within us.

And so much of what you said resonated with me again, this kind of process I’ve been going through over the last probably nine or so months. I found like say fall and the beginning of the year, just absorbing so much of other people’s information and kind of jumping onto ideas and running with it without actually giving myself that time to sit with it. And really think about how it feels for me and what’s right for me. And taking those weekly date nights with myself is where I was able to create the space to quiet my mind, be able to sit with myself and really reflect and listen. And there’s so much power to that like just not only the decisions I’ve been able to make and where I’ve been able to go but just in how I feel. And like you said, I guess retraining that intuition muscle, which I found a really interesting way of phrasing that.

Yeah, I love it. It’s such a powerful thing to do.

What are kind of ways to retrain the intuition muscle?

Yeah, so it’s important to have self time where it’s just you listening to you. I meditate pretty much every day. And when I first started, I would start with just like five minutes a day, and then up to 10 minutes a day. And now I generally do 30 to 45 minutes a day in the morning. Sometimes at nighttime, I can do up to an hour if I, you know, feel rested and have the time. But just taking that time to get quiet and to quiet your mind. And allowing yourself to feel everything that wants to come up, the tingle in your finger, the little itch on your nose, the thoughts about what you’re going to make for dinner, like all of those things, and just sitting with it.

Because if you do that, what’s behind that and what’s underneath that are your emotional needs. And they will then begin to come up, you’ll then begin to realize what you feel. And you’ll begin to pay more attention to what that intuitive muscle is trying to tell you, right? Like it wants to flex, but it doesn’t have the room or space, because it’s not used to you giving it the time and space.

And one of the exercises that I recommend with clients – and I love it because it’s simple but powerful – is what I call the Trinity exercise. And so you can sit with yourself quietly, somewhere, anywhere. And you ask each parts of the Holy Trinity, which is you, your mind, your body and your soul, what it needs most right now. And so you sit quietly, you close your eyes, and you’ll ask, “what do I need most now? What does my body need most now? What does my mind need most now? What does my soul need most now?”

And generally you’ll give yourself a little bit of space before asking the next part of you. And then you just sit quietly and you allow it to come up and you’ll either hear it or you’ll see it in pictures or you’ll get a feeling and then when you come out of that exercise, you want to write it down, so that you see what those things are. And then you give those things to yourself at some point throughout the day. So if your body said that it needs rest, and you give yourself rest, now you’re building trust with your body, it’s going to talk to you more. If your mind says that it needs affirmation, it needs you to affirm it more, right? It needs you to think better about yourself, and you begin to just check your negative self talk, your mind will begin to trust you and speak to you more.

And the same with the spiritual aspect of you. If your soul needs to be in nature more, but you’ve been so busy at work, and now you start taking five minutes to just go sit on the porch and get some sunlight, you’re rebuilding the relationship you have with yourself, which strengthens your intuition. And then all of the parts of you will begin to speak to you more. That’s really what your intuition is, it’s your higher self, and your present self having a conversation and being in connection with one another. And so through these kinds of simple, but powerful exercises, you can build that muscle and it’ll get stronger.

I’m going to start doing that with my morning routine. I love that. And it is very simple and straightforward. Because guided meditations are great. Sometimes it can be hard to access for different reasons or finding the right one, sometimes I’ll be like searching, spending a bunch of time just searching for one. And I just love how simple that is, of a framework to do for yourself and really sit through those processes. So thank you. I feel like I need to re-listen and take notes for different things I’m gonna start doing!

Please do, I’m going to as well. I try to always listen back because there are so many things that come up that you’re not always aware of on a daily basis. And it’s like, oh, yeah, I forgot I should do that. Or I can listen to that, or this client can use that. So it’s always helpful.

And that kind of goes into something you touched on is journaling. And really that reflection, I noticed that something that’s popped up multiple times as I’ve been going through your things. So kind of what are your thoughts on journaling? How do you like to recommend incorporating it?

So I think that writing things down, writing your goals, writing your feelings, it’s really one of the things that kept me sane as a young person, especially when I was going through sexual abuse. When I was feeling challenged in my own personal identity, and like, who am I in this world. I would just write down the things that I was feeling that I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about. And it helped. It really allows you to clear up the space of chaos in your head and in your heart.

And you bring it into this three dimensional world where now you can see it separate from yourself. Right? So it’s almost going from I am angry, because anger is in me, to writing it down and seeing I feel angry. “Oh, I’m not the anger. But that’s a feeling that I’m having. Because now I can look at it on the paper. And it is a separate thing from me.” So it allows you to compartmentalize, to separate the things that you’re feeling inside. And then to recognize that those things are not you.

It also allows you to become more self aware. Because you get to then ask yourself the question, well, why am I angry? What am I angry about? Where’s this feeling coming from? And that’s probably the most primitive way to journal. I do love a guided journal, I actually have a sacred self-care planner, which offers a journaling aspect to it, and it has prompts in it so that you can get some guidance on where to go and how to go and how to use that thing. But first and foremost, just start writing the feelings, the things that you feel are trapped, are stuck. Even if you don’t know what you’re feeling, you can just start writing that. I don’t know what I’m feeling.

And that’s enough, to simply acknowledge what’s going on with you. And what you’re doing is that you are honouring your emotional self. You’re not pretending that the emotions aren’t there, and you’re giving it a space of its own. And then you can always go back and read it later. You can always go back and dive in deeper. You can always go back and build on it. And you can also write it down when that particular emotion or experience has shifted for you in a positive way. Because five years from now, five months from now, whenever, it’s a reminder that you were once in a place, but you made it out. And you can use that as self guidance throughout.

It really is such a powerful tool. And again, something that’s accessible to everyone. Similarly, in my younger years, like I always had a diary and a journal, and I remember – what you said resonated so much – that I would write out what I felt like I couldn’t say out loud, and I would write everything out. And I journaled quite heavily for that kind of period of time where I learned to be able to speak when I needed to.

And then I kind of fell out of touch with it. And it became something I turned to in really dark moments of time when I like felt like I had to get something out. And so looking back in my journal now, it’s like, wow, that’s really depressing. But like you said, it’s also showing me how far I’ve come. And then with this last nine months or so, with kind of going through all of these different things with this process, I brought journaling back, I’d say within the last three to six months. And it’s been so helpful, like you said, it’s actually a way of like disconnecting from ourselves to actually connect to ourselves. It’s neat how it works like that.

Exactly. Yeah, and it’s a it’s a beautiful, simple tool, right? And imagine if you didn’t have that tool, when you felt like you didn’t have anything else, right? It puts it into perspective of just how powerful it is where you can say, “okay, I’m gonna do this thing.” And it’s simple enough that you can do it anywhere at any time, no matter where you are, in your life.

You know, folks are always saying hire a coach, get a therapist, see someone, but that’s not always accessible, depending on where you are in your life. But you can always pick up a pen, pick up a paper and write things down. And even that also incorporates that movement that we talked about. Because your hands are movement, your eyes are watching. So your entire body is invested in getting out whatever it is that you’re putting onto it.

I love looking at it like this. And I find it’s just so helpful for – I can get caught up in my thoughts. And it’s like you’re running around with all these different thoughts and things that are going on and being able to put that pen to paper actually helps get it out and digest it. So it’s not so scattered.

Right, right. And it’s okay. Whatever comes out on the paper is okay, like, let it be a no judgment zone. You just put out whatever you want to. You know, and then in a couple days, you can maybe come back and be like, Well, damn, I was really in a space, right? That sounds crazy. That was dark. It’s okay to be honest about what it feels like for you. But without judging it as right or wrong or good or bad or I shouldn’t say that or feel that or do that. Giving yourself that space to be safe with your own emotions. And to just write it all down and go back and read it and figure out, you know, which chick you’re going to be today.

I’m definitely checking out that journal too. Or the planner with the journal prompts.

Yeah, I’d love for you to take a look at it. Send me your address and I’ll get you one.

Thank you. I so appreciate that. Yeah, I would love to check it out. I’ll send you my email, or my address.

So we are kind of coming up to time, but I’d love to hear a little bit more about your personal sacred self-care practices.

Oh, absolutely. So in its most simple way, it is the morning meditations. It’s me journaling. And I take a three mile walk – weather permitting, because I am in New York – but I take a three mile walk in a park nearby, just about every day. And I go alone. I talk to the trees. I feel the wind and the air on me. I walk barefoot in the ground to actually ground and connect to Mother Earth. And that is really my everyday practice, right, meditation, nature, sunlight, grounding.

I journal a couple times a week to just get a clearer picture on where I am emotionally in the moment. I visualize and I journal, I use those two mechanisms together. So I’ll think about what it is that I want to create for myself, what it is I want to have for myself, and then I’ll take the journal and I’ll write those things down as well.

I’m also big on pleasure. So what is it that is going to feel good to me today? And that can be something as simple as like, I’m going to make sure that I get outside today and go out to the park. Because after a while, you begin to feel like you need these things, right? It feeds you so much. Or it could be intimacy with my husband. Or it could be having a movie night with the family and with the kids. So I don’t want moms to feel like if you’re doing things with your children or your family, you can’t find pleasure for yourself in that – you can. But there are also times where the pleasure gets to be just for you.

And I rest. One of the things that I wasn’t doing was I was not getting enough rest, maybe for like the past few months. And I was steadily gaining weight and gaining weight. And I’m like, I work out, I walk, I drink water, the three W’s. What’s happening here? But I was not getting sleep because I was staying up late to deal with admin stuff and client things. So now I’ve recommitted to my rest, I do my best to get to bed before like 11 o’clock, even if I’m not asleep, but just doing that.

And I drink tons of water, Jannine. I drink tons of water. And yes, and you want to drink the water that feels good to your body. Some brands are not the same. So I drink the water that works for me, that’s high quality, that helps me to stay hydrated. And I just make sure that I operate as a good person in the world. Because when I come home, I’m able to rest easily.

And those are the ways that I take care of myself on a daily basis. And then pouring into my clients and doing this work, because it is heart work. Because it is purpose driven work, because it’s impact work. That also feeds me and nourishes me so much. So it can be all of those things or, you know, one or two a day. But every single day know that I take care of myself. And I want to just add that it is okay to tell other people no, in order to be able to say yes to yourself. I do it often. I exercise that right. Years ago, it irritated family and folks and they were upset, but guess what? They got used to it. And they’re all fine.

Yeah, there’s one thing that comes up, I can’t remember exactly how it was worded. But okay, you don’t say something, you’re pleasing that other person and making yourself feel uncomfortable. Or you could say something, say no, whatever it might be. And you’re gonna make that person uncomfortable, but feel good. Choose you. Yeah, choose you.

Absolutely. Yeah. Don’t make yourself uncomfortable to make others comfortable. Because that also breeds resentment. Now, you’ll say yeah, but you’re resentful that you didn’t. And you don’t want that kind of vibe, that kind of energy.

Yeah that has it’s whole weight on it’s own, the thought patterns that can come from the resentment.

Yeah. Exactly. So say no the first time and just go on about your day.

May be tricky at first, but the more you practice it, the more comfortable you’ll be , and like you said, people get used to it too.

That’s it, that’s it. I always say if it’s hard for you in the beginning, say no and just walk away, like no and just go, no and go so you don’t have time to change your mind. And they can’t like seduce you into doing it. Say no, turn around.

That’s a good tip, you just gotta do what works for you at that beginning when it’s hard. No and go, love it.

Well thank you. This has been such a pleasure. You are just such a high vibe. I feel so great just being and speaking with you. Where can people go to learn about you, check out that planner, and the other things you have going on?

So of course you can find everything on my website at FilaAntwine.com. My social media platform of choice would have to be Instagram. So you can find me on Instagram @SheIsFila and across across all social platforms @SheIsFila as well. I am a real person, I answer my DMs, I am posting and doing the reels and all of the things and so if ever you want to ask a question, you can do that via email on the website or on my Instagram.

We’ll make sure everything’s all linked up so people can reach out to you. And you have a 28 day self-care calendar too?

I do, I have a 28-day sacred self-care calendar, which you can download free on my website. And it gives you 28 simple ways and simple prompts for you to practice sacred self-care each day. Pleasure’s in their, movement’s in there, meditation is in there. It’s something you can print out, put on the fridge or put on your desk, or just save it on your phone so that you can check in with yourself. And it helps you to create a personal self-care tip plan later on by just giving you these simple prompts now. And it’s free.

Yes. Very accessible for us to look at and implement.

Yeah, absolutely. For all the busy moms.

Thank you so much for being here and sharing everything with us. I really appreciate it. And thank you for those listening.

It has been an absolute pleasure.

Thank you for those tuning in, I would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our group chat in the Facebook group, or reach out to Fila personally and ask your questions or let her know what you think. Until next time, thank you!

Thanks for listening this week! If you want to chat about this episode with me and other moms, check out the exclusive UM Club Facebook page! Thanks again, and we’ll see you next week!

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